


The Pull of Destiny

by vocal_fries



Series: Subtext Becomes Text [17]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: (intentional dissociation), Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Elim Garak, DS9 S3E15 "Destiny", Dissociation, Especially the lies, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Rough Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:22:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22169335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vocal_fries/pseuds/vocal_fries
Summary: The presence of an Obsidian Order operative on DS9 sends Garak into a tailspin. Julian is frustrated. Set during DS9 S3E15 "Destiny."
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Subtext Becomes Text [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/965958
Comments: 25
Kudos: 54





	The Pull of Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry in advance for the angst.

Julian Bashir sighed, picking up his wine glass. “Fine. Fine! So you hate  _ King Lear, _ too.” He shrugged, fixing Elim Garak with an exaggerated look of resignation over his springwine. “I give up.”

Garak chuckled, blue eyes sparkling. “All I’ve  _ ever _ wanted is for you to give up on Shakespeare, my dear.”

Julian rolled his eyes dramatically. “I’ve given up on trying to get  _ you _ to appreciate him,” he said firmly. “You’re the lost cause, not Shakespeare.” Garak smirked, and Julian’s heart swelled with affection for this aggravating, difficult man. He smiled, unable to help himself. “So, what’s next?”

“K’Ratak,” Garak replied, sipping his kanar. “It’s been a year at least since we read a Klingon author.”

Julian nodded assent. “Something neither of us will hate!” he teased. “An uncharacteristically diplomatic choice.”

Garak smirked again, but he froze before the first word of his retort formed on his lips. He stared off, eyes intent, face unreadable.

Julian followed the line of Garak’s gaze. A Cardassian woman was threading her way through Quark’s. Julian thought she walked with the self-assurance he commonly associated with the Cardassian military, but she wore unremarkable civilian clothing.

“Do you know her?” Julian asked curiously, watching the woman disappear around a corner.

When Garak turned his eyes back to their table, he looked at Julian as if he was surprised to see him. Quickly smoothing his features, Garak waved a hand dismissively. “No. I thought I might have, but I was mistaken.”

Julian furrowed his brow. He had the distinct impression Garak was lying to him. “She looks military.”

Garak raised a brow ridge, as if startled by the insight. Julian didn’t believe for a second that he was surprised. “Does she?” Garak asked, taking a sip of his rokassa juice. “She’s not in uniform.”

Julian rolled his eyes. “Garak. If I met Gul Dukat out of uniform, I would still assume he was military.”

“I suppose so,” Garak said lightly, smiling blandly as he set down his drink. “Do you want dessert, Julian?”

Julian frowned. “I do, but just hold on one minute. Why are you changing the subject?”

Garak drew his brow ridges together in an expression that looked remarkably like true confusion. “Have I changed the subject?”

Julian sighed, irritated. “Yes, Garak, you have! I point out a very out of place, very authoritative Cardassian to you, and you brush it off as if we see Cardassians of influence every day on this station. As if we see Cardassians that you clearly  _ recognize _ every day.”

Garak shrugged. “I don’t know her. And we certainly don’t know that she has influence.” He waved dismissively again, a hint of frustration in the gesture. “She’s probably part of the science team that’s on the station for the communications relay project.”

Julian rolled his eyes again. “If she’s a scientist, I’m an admiral.” He narrowed his eyes, studying Garak. “You  _ love _ gossip. Why can’t we talk about her?”

Garak set down his kanar with a thud, nearly spilling the glass of rokassa juice next to it. “We can! She’s a Cardassian! She’s at Quark’s!” He sighed loudly, fixing Julian with a clearly exasperated look. “What else is there to say?”

Julian crossed his arms, glaring at the Cardassian sitting across from him. Obviously, Garak was determined to hide behind his maddening ability to say absolutely nothing, no matter how much he actually talked. Julian chewed his lip, frustrated. Garak simply stared back at him, face and eyes perfectly blank.

“Fine,” Julian said tightly. “Do you want to go get chocolates?”

Julian sensed tension beneath the amicable smile Garak pasted on by way of answer. “Certainly.”

As they walked down the Promenade, Julian fumed silently. Next to him, Garak vividly recapped an inane story Odo had told him that morning.

_ Polite goddamn conversation, _ Julian thought, barely suppressing a huff of anger.  _ He’s being fucking  _ polite _ for godssake. _ It happened less frequently these days, but sometimes the man Julian had grown to love disappeared behind a mask of courtesy and distant affability. It made Julian want to scream. It was so much more infuriating than Garak’s inability to separate affection from argument. It was insulting. It was unbelievably painful.

He tried, unsuccessfully, not to think about how much it hurt.

As they approached the chocolate shop, the owner turned away from them to get the attention of Rennan Grax, who was visible inside the food preparation area. The Betazoid grinned widely when he looked up and saw them. He said something to the proprietor, who nodded. Rennan washed his hands, removed his apron, and stepped out onto the Promenade.

Rennan’s smile faltered as he greeted them. Julian was sure Rennan, even as limited as his psionic abilities were, could feel the anger rolling off of him. He smiled at Rennan, trying to be clear that he wasn’t angry at him.

“Hi,” Rennan said, embracing Garak warmly. He looked closely at Julian, brows knitted. Releasing Garak, Rennan drew Julian into his arms. “Hi,” he repeated, pressing a kiss to the human’s neck.

“Good evening, my dear,” Garak said cordially, and Julian rolled his eyes.

“Hi, Rennan,” Julian chimed in, trying not to sound as sour as he felt. “We just had dinner and thought we’d come by for dessert.”

Rennan grinned. “I’m so glad. I just finished the trial batch of uttaberry truffles made with Terran cashew milk chocolate. Lwaxana recommended uttaberry, and she’s really onto something!” He hurried into the shop again, then returned with a small plate.

Julian took one. “This is really good,” he said, chewing. He smiled at Rennan. “Amazing.” He put an arm around Rennan and kissed the younger man affectionately on the cheek. Rennan flushed with pleasure, smiling.

Garak was chewing on a second small bite, thinking. His eyes were distant. Julian tried not to be irritated, but the look on Garak’s face reminded him why he was so annoyed. He took a breath, reminding himself that finding fault in everything was a pointless mechanism that allowed him to stay angry. It almost worked.

Finally, Garak swallowed. “These are quite unique in the catalog of your creations,” he declared approvingly. “An excellent addition to the menu.”

Rennan beamed. “Thank you!” he said happily. He looked between them, smiling suggestively. “What are you two up to this evening?”

Julian glanced at Garak. He knew they needed to argue. They typically ended fights by arguing about the issue, then arguing for sport, then arguing as foreplay. It didn’t usually resolve the initial conflict, but it tended to reveal the triviality of it, which worked just as well. And Julian liked their competitive, playful post-argument sex and the uncharacteristically tender cuddling that tended to follow. Unfortunately, their arguments made Rennan anxious, so Julian was unsure whether to invite the empath to join them.

Before he could speak, Garak did. “We just had dinner and decided to come here for dessert before parting ways for the evening. I’m afraid I have an early start tomorrow,” the Cardassian said nonchalantly.

Julian furrowed his brow, trying to ignore the embarrassing thump of his heart inside his chest. He felt blindsided that Garak was ending their date early. He turned to face the older man. “What?”

Garak did a good job of feigning surprise. “I haven’t been sleeping well this week, and I need to get some rest. I have a number of commissions I need to finish tomorrow.”

Julian stared, dumbfounded, for a moment. He tried to find anger in himself to fire back, but he only came up with hurt. He found himself without a retort. “Oh. Alright.”

Rennan was glancing between them. “That’s too bad,” he said, looking at them each closely. “I was going to see if you wanted company after the shop closes.”

“Another night,” Garak said, smiling opaquely at Rennan.

Julian felt vague panic creep over him. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d left an argument like this. Suddenly, the conflict seemed much more serious. “Do you want to get an assortment for dessert and chat for a while before you- before you go back to your quarters?” he asked, searching Garak’s eyes.

He found nothing but placid, impenetrable blue. “This uttaberry truffle was perfect,” Garak said brightly. He looked at them both. “Thank you for dinner, Julian. Thank you for dessert, Rennan.” Garak nodded his farewell, then turned toward the turbolift.

Julian wondered if Rennan could hear his heart beating. The Betazoid touched his shoulder comfortingly, and Julian looked at him.

“Is it alright if I come by your quarters in about an hour and a half?” Rennan asked, voice gentle.

Julian nodded, staring after Garak. “I’d like that.”

_______________________________

Rennan awoke fully encased in Julian’s limbs. He smiled, twisting his body until Julian let him roll over. Facing the sleeping human, Rennan twined their legs and rested a hand on Julian’s hip. Slim arms tightened around him again, drawing him close.

Rennan melted into the warmth of the embrace. He and Julian hadn’t spent a lot of time alone together recently, and it was nice to have him all to himself this morning. He sensed that Julian was having a pleasant dream, and Rennan let himself luxuriate in the man’s uninhibited happiness. He pressed his lips to Julian’s neck, tasting him, lightly sucking the skin. Julian murmured in his sleep. Rennan hesitated to wake him, but the heavy ache between his legs was beginning to throb, and Julian had often commented on his fondness for being woken up with kisses and caresses.

Rennan reached behind himself, finding he was still slick from the night before. He slipped two fingers into himself, preparing his body. Anticipation built within him, and he pressed his leaking erection against Julian as he worked.

He felt Julian’s mind surface as he awoke. He stirred. “Mmm,” Julian purred, eyes still closed. He tilted his head back, giving Rennan better access to his throat.

Rennan brushed Julian’s ear with his lips, earning a shiver. “I want you,” he whispered.

“Roll over,” Julian replied, voice thick with sleep.

Rennan obeyed. He guided Julian’s hand to the cleft of his ass. He exhaled shakily as Julian slipped a finger inside. “All ready for me when I wake up,” Julian mumbled, kissing Rennan’s hair. “God, you’re wonderful.”

Rennan grinned, wriggling against Julian. “I’m always ready for you.”

Julian moaned softly, sucking the side of Rennan’s neck. He moved the finger slowly, and Rennan could feel that he was falling asleep again.

“Fuck me,” Rennan murmured, pressing his hips back insistently. “I want you.”

With another sleepy hum of need, Julian removed his hand and pressed his cock into the Betazoid.

Rennan sighed deeply, feeling his body stretch to accommodate Julian’s length. He whimpered happily when Julian pulled him tight against his body. They were in contact from head to knee. Rennan felt very warm and safe, reveling in the tenderness radiating from the man holding him. Holding him so close, fucking him so slowly.

So slowly. Julian’s movements felt lazy, sleepy -- nothing like his usual hungry pace. Rennan relaxed into it, letting the languid movements lull him. His cock still ached, but it was delicious to let it ache.

Julian breathed near Rennan’s ear, soft breaths that sometimes contained a word or phrase, verbal caresses that washed over him. Rennan felt Julian’s sweet, filthy utterings wash through him, as real and sensual as the hands caressing him and the thick cock nudging his nurlai gland with every thrust. Delicate tension built inside him; his quiet whimpers became almost sobs of a beautiful need.

It felt like a long time had passed when Julian’s breathy exhalations next to Rennan’s ear became less leisurely and more urgent. Rennan felt like his body was aglow, tingling with the sweet friction of Julian moving inside him.

Julian’s hips began to stutter, and he grasped Rennan’s cock. Rennan groaned loudly, falling apart as Julian quickly stroked him to orgasm. When Rennan cried out his climax, Julian came, too. Rennan felt heat spread inside him, and he shuddered with pleasure.

Julian was stroking his hair when Rennan awoke again, but he felt a thick anxiety shrouding the human. He rolled to face Julian and kissed him, then settled against the pillow, studying Julian’s face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he offered lightly.

Julian bit his lip, apparently thinking. “I feel bad. We talked about him for so long last night.”

Rennan shrugged one shoulder. “You’re unsettled.”

Julian looked almost shy. “I guess there’s not much use in avoiding talking about my feelings when you know what they are regardless.”

Rennan smiled slightly, touching Julian’s jaw reassuringly.

“He just seems so distant and evasive,” Julian finally said, sighing. When Rennan raised a brow, Julian made a wry face. “He hasn’t been  _ this _ distant or  _ this _ evasive in a while. It’s hard not to feel...unsettled.”

“I know he’s been preoccupied recently,” Rennan conceded.

Julian’s brows shot up. “You didn’t mention that last night.”

Rennan shrugged again. “You needed me to listen, not pile on.”

“I guess. But so you think he’s acting strangely, too?”

“He’s a very guarded person. You know that and so do I.” Rennan paused. “It’s what we signed up for.”

Julian stared past Rennan’s side of the bed long enough that Rennan regretted the tension his comments had caused. He tended to forget that Julian sometimes rewrote truths he found unpalatable.

Rennan stroked Julian’s cheek, drawing his attention back. “He loves you. You know that. He even loves me, in his way. I don’t think he’s changed his mind about any of that. He’s just distracted by something he doesn’t feel he can trust us with.” When hurt rolled across Julian’s face, Rennan shook his head. “Is that so wrong? Even though he doesn’t want to share his secrets — his own and Cardassia’s — we can guess at the nature of them. They’re not trivial.”

Julian nodded grudgingly.

“He’s living according to his training, and, I’m guessing, according to his experiences and instincts,” Rennan went on. “By his own admission, he has dangerous enemies. It makes sense to me that he would be reticent to let us in on things that might endanger him. Or us.”

Julian’s eyes clouded as he thought about what Rennan had said. “I know you’re right. Logically, I mean. But it hurts when I’m so open with him.”

Rennan rolled his eyes. “Are you, though? You have secrets, too, Julian.”

The blaze of fear that surged through Julian was unmistakable and unexpected. “What do you mean?”

Rennan looked closely at Julian, realizing he’d overstepped. He’d always sensed there was something in Julian that he guarded closely, but he’d never imagined that its  _ existence _ was taboo. He smiled placatingly. “We all have secrets,” he said, running fingers over Julian’s shoulder fondly. “It’s just part of life.”

Rennan felt Julian’s roiling fear dial down a few notches. The human smiled back. “You’re right, of course.”

Rennan grinned genuinely, inwardly laughing at the contradiction in Julian’s own adamant secrecy and his deep anxiety about Garak’s.

A few hours later, Rennan received a message from Garak’s shop that his most recent order was ready. When he finished his shift at the chocolaterie, he went straight to the shop to pick it up.

“Ah, Rennan,” Garak said when the Betazoid entered the shop, which was deserted. “Your item is in the back. I’d like to have you try it on before taking it home, if you don’t mind.” He pressed a button to temporarily close the door to the Promenade.

Rennan felt a ripple of excitement as he followed Garak to the back of the shop. Garak closed his workroom door behind them, then turned to Rennan with heated eyes. “You’ll want to strip to get the full effect.”

Rennan chuckled, slipping out of his shoes, shirt, leggings, and undergarments. Garak handed him his deep burgundy boots of cave sloth leather, now modified with a small metal loop on the back of each. Rennan put them on and laced them up. The boots covered his legs to the knee, skimming the contours of his muscular calves.

By the time Garak handed Rennan a monoglove-style armbinder in a matching burgundy leather, the younger man was half-hard. He turned the item over in his hands, admiring Garak’s work. He looked up into attentive blue eyes. “Can you help me put it on?”

Garak obliged wordlessly, lacing the armbinder tightly enough to demonstrate the fit but not quite as tight as Rennan would want it for play. Rennan studied himself in the full-length mirror that hung on one wall. He watched Garak watch him in the mirror.

“It’s gorgeous. You’re a genius.” Rennan grinned at Garak, turning to face him. Naked, with his arms bound behind his back, Rennan was helpless to hide his arousal. Not that he wanted to. Not when Garak was looking at him with blue fire in his eyes.

Garak smirked. “So, as we discussed, the end of the armbinder can be attached to one or both of your boots.” He turned, picking up a long metal bar with sturdy rings on each end. “We didn’t discuss this. Consider it a gift.”

Rennan’s eyes widened. “Is that…?”

“It can attach to each boot,” Garak confirmed. “Would you like to see?”

Rennan nodded. “Oh, yes.”

“Lean here,” Garak directed, patting the edge of a worktable. “Feet apart.”

Rennan obeyed, arms still bound. He watched Garak clip the spreader bar to one boot, then nudge his foot until he could clip the other. The Cardassian stepped back, surveying his handiwork. Rennan craned his head to see himself in the mirror. He laughed joyfully.

“Oh, my god. Garak!” He looked at the older man, whose lips were turned up in a predatory grin. “Even  _ I _ want to fuck me. Wow.” Rennan studied himself, contorting his body. “Thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome, my dear.”

“You don’t want to break it in, do you?”

Garak grinned. “Tempting. But I’m more interested in testing the integrity of the armbinder attachment.”

Rennan felt a flush of excitement spread over his pale skin. “Yes, please.”

Garak chuckled, unfastening the spreader bar and setting it carefully aside. As Rennan stepped his feet back together, Garak grabbed his hair and pulled him to his knees. Rennan stared up into hot blue eyes, lips parted invitingly. Garak pushed him backward and reached behind him. Rennan heard metal click twice. He tried to right himself fully, but the loops held.

Rennan was on his knees, arms behind his back, back arched at an angle, staring up at Garak. He was very aware of his cock, which burned between his spread thighs.

Garak pulled his trousers down, exposing his engorged ajan. He stepped very close to Rennan, who felt gooseflesh spread over him. Leering down at him, Garak pressed three fingers inside his ajan, fucking himself obscenely. Rennan waited impatiently, licking his lips suggestively.

Garak everted quickly. “Mouth open, slut,” he told Rennan, who complied eagerly. Garak grabbed Rennan’s hair and shoved his prUt into the younger man’s throat. Rennan’s vision blurred with tears as Garak began to fuck his face roughly.

Rennan closed his eyes, feeling tears streak down his face. He moaned around the heavy prUt, letting Garak completely overpower him.

When Garak came down his throat, Rennan swallowed fervidly. He opened his eyes, looking up at Garak blissfully. The older man unclipped his boots and pulled him to his feet. Rennan stood, dazed, so turned on he could hardly see straight. He was vaguely aware of Garak loosening the armbinder and removing it.

Garak leaned over the table, spreading his thighs slightly. “Fuck me.” His tone was so authoritative that Rennan didn’t hesitate. He stepped behind Garak and pressed his throbbing cock into the man’s hot, swollen, dripping ajan. Being inside Garak felt divinely good, and Rennan groaned loudly. After very few thrusts, he came with a shout that he tried to muffle against the back of Garak’s tunic.

Rennan slumped to his knees, panting. He looked up when Garak turned toward him. Blue eyes glinted wickedly above him.

“You like to clean up,” Garak said by way of instruction, perching on a chair with his knees parted.

Rennan nodded, crawling forward. He hummed happily as he sucked his cum from Garak’s ajan, savoring the flavor of their combined fluids. When he was done, he rested his head on Garak’s thigh, looking up.

“So you like me fucking you now,” Rennan said, pressing a fond kiss to the inside of Garak’s thigh.

Garak shrugged. “You have a nice cock, and you rarely share it.”

Rennan giggled. “You’re kidding. Name half a dozen people on this station who haven’t had firsthand experience of my cock by now.”

Garak grinned. “You rarely fuck anyone with it.”

Rennan shrugged then. “I like getting fucked.” He grinned back. “I like fucking, too, but I  _ really _ like getting fucked.”

“But you’re okay with fucking me? I’m not twisting your arm?”

Rennan laughed. “You literally twisted both my arms today, and Julian will be thrilled you picked up that expression.”

Garak smirked. “You like when I tell you what to do. I thought maybe you’d like fucking me if I tell you to do it.”

“I  _ very _ much like fucking you when you tell me to do it,” Rennan agreed. He slid a finger inside Garak. “And  _ this _ is incredible.” He removed his finger and licked it clean. “Any time you want to command me to fuck you, I’m game.”

“Good,” Garak said, satisfied. He ruffled Rennan’s hair fondly. “You look extremely disreputable just now, my dear. Perhaps you ought to wash the cum and drool off your throat and put your clothes back on.”

Rennan laughed again, then stood. He crowded Garak playfully. “I’m disreputable and  _ filthy, _ so you’d better watch your nice outfit.”

Garak grasped Rennan’s ass with both hands, kneading firmly as he kissed the young man’s abdomen. He looked up at Rennan, pushing him to arm’s length and slapping his ass. “Clean yourself up.”

When they were both clean and fully clothed, Garak wrapped Rennan’s items, even providing a discreet box for the spreader bar.

Rennan watched Garak fondly. He liked the silly, playful affection between them. Julian’s concerns seemed so senseless.

“Julian’s been so worried about you acting distant,” he told Garak. “But it’s silly.”

Garak looked up more sharply than Rennan expected. “I haven’t been distant.”

Rennan furrowed his brow. “Well yes, you have, but-”

Garak’s eyes turned cold. “I didn’t have sex with Julian last night, so I’m being distant.” It wasn’t really a question.

Rennan rolled his eyes. “No. But you’ve been preoccupied, which I told him is-”

Garak’s eyes flashed, and Rennan felt a moment’s anger emanate from Garak in what he could only interpret as a warning before the Cardassian locked his mind to Rennan again. “Stay out of my head,” Garak hissed. “You told me you don’t talk to Julian about what you read in me.”

Rennan was confused. “And I don’t. It’s clear  _ without _ psionic abilities that you’ve been preoccupied lately. What I  _ told him _ is that it’s normal to have secrets.” He studied Garak, whose features had gone colorless. Flat. “I was defending you!” When Garak didn’t say anything, Rennan sighed. “Look. Have whatever secrets you choose to have, or whatever secrets you’re stuck with. I don’t need to know them. But I’m here if you want someone to talk to.”

“I don’t,” Garak said flatly.

Rennan huffed. “I can see that.” He looked Garak over once more. “If that’s the kind of lie you’re going to operate under, you need to get better at selling them.” He picked up his items. “Thank you for these. They’re beautiful.”

____________________________

Garak returned his soup bowl and spoon to the reclamation unit in his quarters, then sat on his sofa. His eyes focused on his Pakled ferns.

It was hard to acknowledge how short-sighted his recent behavior was. One glimpse of Dejar and he’d all but melted down. Being cold to Julian, getting upset with Rennan. Letting on that this effete dullard Dejar could upset him was humiliating; it didn’t particularly matter that no one else was aware of her dreadfully unimpressive career in the Order.

On no less than three occasions during Dejar’s training and first missions as a junior operative, Garak had recommended terminating her. She was imprecise, indiscreet, and utterly lacking in subtlety. Dejar was everything wrong with the public face of the Obsidian Order. Seeing her on the station had been an offensive shock. It was madness that Tain allowed her to continue bumbling through missions even as minor as the communications relay project. It was salt in the festering wounds inflicted upon him by his visit to Cardassia and the taste of power he’d experienced when he’d been called into action recently. Resentment and fury simmered in him. It was inconceivable that a dolt like Dejar enjoyed a prosperous career in the Order while he was stuck hemming trousers on Deep Space 9. Yet here she was.

And here he was, letting her presence unnerve him. Letting cracks show in front of Julian, in front of Rennan. He justified indulging in their company because he managed to keep his most dangerous secrets neatly separate from his interactions with them. If he couldn’t maintain that division, he simply couldn’t continue to spend time with them.

Long months of chastising himself for his weakness had done nothing to make him less susceptible to and reliant upon the comfort he found in the connections he’d formed with Julian and Rennan. He was disgusted by his sentimentality, by his undisciplined lapses in security, and by his inability to imagine a viable alternative. He didn’t need them, but he was suffering from a debilitating lack of creativity.

He sighed. Since the arrival of Dejar on the station, the disgust had become ever-present. At first he’d been angry, but as he thought about it more and more, he felt himself becoming numb. He welcomed numbness. He understood numbness. As an operative, he’d always relied on his ability to dampen his emotions for the sake of efficiency and security.

Garak’s eyes followed the graceful lines of the fern fronds as he reflected. Anger required too much energy from him. It made him too volatile. He sighed again. Breathing slowly and deeply, he focused on a half-unfurled bit of new growth. Calling upon a meditation technique Garak had taught himself early in his training, he slipped fully into the familiar comfort of feeling nothing. It was like a balm to his nerves. He breathed deeply, letting numbness wash over him.

He stood, stretched, and poured himself a glass of kanar. He needed to make amends with Julian and Rennan before Julian decided to dig more determinedly into his past. He doubted Julian would find any answers of consequence, but questions sometimes had more grievous repercussions than their answers. Besides, he couldn’t abruptly distance himself from Julian. Change generated gossip, and unplanned change generated unplanned gossip. A sudden distance was too risky. Garak retrieved a PADD.

Three hours later, he was putting the finishing touches on a place setting when the holosuite door opened.

“Good evening,” he said, turning to face a wary human and a pensive Betazoid. “Julian. Rennan. I apologize for my behavior over the past couple of days. The presence of Cardassians on the station has been, ah, disconcerting, to say the least.” He attempted a contrite smile. “I haven’t been myself, I’m afraid.”

“Thank you,” Rennan said, looking around. “Is this Vulcan?”

“It is,” Garak confirmed. “We’re on the north shore of the Voroth Sea. I’m quite fond of this particular program.”

Julian’s brow was still furrowed. “I appreciate the apology,” he said finally. He looked around. “And the gesture.”

“I don’t expect you to immediately forgive my rude behavior, of course, but I hope a pleasant evening will help convey my sincerity.” Garak gestured at the table behind him, set on a small, tiled octagon with a gauzy fabric roof and two open sides. The scene was lit by small metal torches and a few candles on the octagonal table. “Would you like to eat?”

Julian and Rennan sat. Garak poured them each a glass of water and a tumbler of Vulcan brandy.

“There’s plomeek soup and Vulcan mollusks in Terran butter with redspice,” he said, serving bowls of soup. “And Terran basmati rice.”

Julian’s eyes shone with excitement. “I love basmati.”

Garak nodded. He knew. “I hope it’s to your liking.”

When everyone’s plate was full, Garak sat. As they ate, the awkwardness began to melt away. Julian crowed with delight when he realized Garak had procured real basmati rice rather than replicating it. Rennan was very taken with Terran butter and began speculating about how it might be used in a fudge recipe. Their conversation meandered, comfortably aimless, for more than an hour after they’d finished their dinner.

When the conversation hit a natural lull, Garak looked at Julian and Rennan hopefully. “One of the things I like best about the Voroth Sea is how warm it is. Would you like to go swimming?”

Julian looked surprised. He smiled. “I’d love to.”

True to form, Rennan stood immediately. “That sounds amazing. Even this holographic version of Vulcan is hot, and I’d love to rinse off.” He stripped off his shirt, grinning at them. “I’ll see you in there.” With that, Rennan kicked off his shoes and removed his leggings and undergarments together, then sprinted down the narrow shore to the water.

Julian watched fondly, standing. Rennan splashed into the waves as the human removed his own shirt. Julian glanced back at Garak. “Thank you for planning such a nice night,” he said, his eyes soft.

Garak smiled and gave a nod. “Thank you for sharing it.” He removed his own clothing, feeling a great deal of satisfaction as the warm night air breezed lightly over his bare flesh.

Julian was nude, watching him. The younger man stepped closer to Garak, kissing his cheek. Garak kissed Julian’s lips, stroking his neck. A warm hand slid into his own, and Garak let himself be led to the water’s edge.

They paused, letting their eyes adjust. Rennan was perhaps 80 meters out, swimming gracefully back to shore.

“He’s very athletic,” Julian mused.

Garak chuckled. “He’s very young.”

“I’m only three years older than he is!” Julian cried, pretending offense.

Garak smiled. “Some of us are younger longer.”

Julian made a face, then splashed into the water. “Garak! Goddamn, this is gorgeous.”

Garak walked into the sea until he could let himself float. He spread his arms, letting the salt water buoy him. His body relaxed as he stared into the moonless Vulcan sky. He thought the program designer had done an excellent job of replicating the immense luminosity of Vulcan starlight. His eyes began to pick out constellations as he allowed the subtle motion of the warm water lull him.

Nearby, he heard playful splashing and laughing. He turned his head slightly, and in the faint glow of the stars, he could see Rennan chasing Julian. He caught him, and breathless laughter turned into a breathless kiss. The kiss gave way to hands grasping at one another before Julian ran off again, diving under the surface of the water. They were beautiful. Rennan so jubilantly carefree, Julian so unflinchingly sincere. Both so willing to be honest in their affections and desires. Garak watched, warm and detached.

After a while, Julian and Rennan swam over to Garak.

“You’re drifting away,” Rennan said, grasping his hand.

Garak made a petulant face. “No, I’m not,” he said, then smiled.

The Betazoid grinned back. Keeping hold of Garak’s hand, Rennan let himself float on his back. “Close the loop, Julian.”

“You’re too precious,” Julian teased, but he did as he was asked. He took their free hands and let himself float. “I haven’t done this since I was a kid,” he said after a long moment.

“Me either,” Rennan said.

Garak had no pleasant childhood memories of floating in the sea with loved ones. He remained quiet.

“There was a lagoon I swam in as a child,” Julian went on. “When my parents first started letting me go, I always went with some friends from my neighborhood. We were only ten years old, and our parents had us convinced we’d get swept out into the ocean if we didn’t stick very close to one another.” He paused, seeming lost in his memory. He chuckled. “When we were 13, we started to get embarrassed about unbidden erections. That mostly ended the floating rings. But by the time we were 14, we took going to the lagoon as an opportunity to spend the day jerking each other off under the water.”

Rennan laughed. “Me and the first boy I ever loved spent the summers we were 14 and 15 doing exactly that. When I was 16 and was finally introduced to other genders, my first girlfriend and I did it, too.”

“Is childhood gender separation still common in Tavnian culture?” Garak asked idly.

“As far as I know, it’s still universal,” Rennan said, a hint of bitterness in his voice. “It’s nonsense. It ignores the existence of genders outside ‘man’ and ‘woman,’ which is already limited,  _ and _ it assumes there’s no value to learning from someone who isn’t your own gender.”

“You seem to have rejected its lessons entirely,” Julian observed.

“I have,” Rennan said, voice unusually adamant. He sighed. “But that’s boring. Let’s talk about something else.”

“We could just jerk each other off under the water,” Julian said, giggling.

“Salt water is a terrible lubricant,” Garak said reproachfully. “Besides, there’s a perfectly good blanket laid out near the dining pavilion.”

“In that case,” Rennan said suggestively. He began swimming to shore, towing Garak and Julian behind him. They both chuckled, turning in the water until they could swim as well.

The blanket fit all three men lying down. Garak rolled onto his side to look at them. Rennan lay back, propped on his elbows. Garak was unsurprised to see that the young man was already hard. Julian lay flat on his back, legs splayed, staring up at the stars.

Garak positioned himself between them, lying on his belly with his elbows supporting him. He leaned sideways, kissing Julian’s thigh. The human sighed contentedly, spreading his legs further. Garak sucked his testicles lightly, one at a time, while his thumb brushed over the seam of nerves on the underside of the glans. Julian hardened under the attention.

Garak turned, licking a wet stripe up the length Rennan’s erection before closing his mouth around it. Rennan whimpered sweetly, pressing his hips up pleadingly. Garak slurped at his cock before turning back to Julian’s. Swallowing Julian down, Garak kept one hand around Rennan’s cock.

He continued in this way, moving between them often enough to keep either man from becoming too impatient. Garak let himself fall into the task, humming his own enjoyment deep in his own throat as he pulled gasps and moans from Julian and Rennan.

“You look so unbelievably sexy, Garak,” Julian murmured, propping himself on one elbow. Garak glanced up, holding Julian’s eyes as he stretched his jaw around Rennan. Julian flushed, and his cock jumped in Garak’s grip.

Rennan grasped Julian’s hand, sucking on his fingers and whimpering urgently. Julian leaned toward Rennan, who surged to meet him in a kiss. The closer position allowed Garak to wrap his mouth around the heads of both their cocks at once. His tongue fluttered between them, teasing. He created suction with his lips as he slowly pulled his mouth off them, pressing them together for a moment. Rennan yelped at the sensation, and Julian gasped.

Garak got to his knees. He pressed Rennan’s hips flat, then straddled the younger man and pressed himself down over his cock. Garak was very wet, and Rennan’s thick erection glided into him easily. Rennan whined at the unexpected feeling of Garak’s ajan around him. Next to them, Julian gasped.

“I’ve never seen Rennan fuck you,” Julian said to Garak, staring at him with lust-addled eyes.

Garak looked down at Julian with a smirk. He rode Rennan smoothly, hips and thighs flexing. “I’ve just turned him on to this particular pleasure.”

Julian reached between them and slicked his fingers with Garak’s fluids. He lazily stroked his own erection and smiled through feverish eyes at Rennan. “You like fucking him?”

Rennan’s answer was a series of gasps. “I really- real- fuck!- really do.”

Garak began to swivel his hips, and Rennan’s eyes rolled back in his head in a way Garak found very satisfying. “He very much does,” he said smoothly, gratified that his voice remained so even. “He likes pleasing me. Don’t you, Rennan?”

“Yes,” Rennan gasped, pushing sweaty strands of dark hair out of his eyes.

“You love it when I make you come inside me, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Rennan whined, rolling his hips. “I love it.”

Garak reached between his legs and slicked his fingers in his own fluids. Slowing the movement of his hips, he rubbed his thumb over one of Rennan’s nipples as he pressed the tip of an index finger inside Rennan.

The Betazoid cried out, grasping Garak’s hips with bruising strength. Garak let Rennan fuck him, hard and fast. Rennan’s voice rose as he approached orgasm. Garak felt strong fingers dig into his thighs at the same moment Rennan came with a growled cry of ecstasy.

Garak everted with a gasp. He might be simply going through the motions, but the motions felt exquisite. He rode Rennan through his orgasm, then leaned down to kiss him. As he drew away, he moved off Rennan and straddled Julian, wordlessly pressing his dripping wet ajan over Julian’s cock. The familiar fit sent a pang through him, circumventing the veil of detachment in which he’d shrouded himself.

Julian hissed, grabbing Garak’s thighs. His fingers dug into the new bruises Rennan had pressed into his skin, and Garak leaned into the distracting comfort of pain. He stared down at an earnest face, feeling momentarily out of his depth at the level of intimacy he needed to perform. It began to come to him, much to his dismay. He resented the fact that he knew the precise path of the flush moving from Julian’s neck and chest over his entire body. He begrudged the recognition that the sounds Julian made drew sounds from him, a call-and-response born of pursuing pleasure together so often that their individual satisfaction had become a spurious notion.

Suddenly, Garak was on his back. Julian’s hands pinned his arms tightly enough that Garak registered real surprise. Julian stared down at him, hazel eyes blazing. And so soft.

Garak forced himself to stare back, wishing Julian had pinned him facedown. He had no ability to reciprocate the feelings he felt pouring off Julian. No desire, anyway. He felt pain creeping in, and he reached for the numbness. He drew it around himself, reifying and fortifying it. He breathed it in, letting it thicken as Julian moved inside him.

And yet Julian gazed down at him with adoration, and touched him with passion, and kissed him with tenderness. He felt overwhelmed. His arousal flagged.

“Harder,” he hissed, rolling his hips against Julian’s. “Fuck me hard.”

Julian grinned wickedly. “It’s not like you to beg.”

“It’s not like you to tease,” Garak quipped, rolling his hips again. “Fuck me.”

Julian opened his mouth to respond, not moving any faster, but his retort was lost in a gasp turned moan when Garak wrapped his legs tightly around Julian’s waist.

“ _ Fuck me,” _ Garak growled.

The human grasped the backs of Garak’s legs roughly, then began pounding into him.

Garak moaned extravagantly a few times to ensure Julian would continue to move faster. He did. The brutal pace gave Garak an excuse to squeeze his eyes shut, focusing on the cruel pleasure between his legs rather than the emotional weight of Julian’s gaze.

He came before Julian, sticky blue cum hitting them both. He cried out, writhing, pulling Julian over the edge. The younger man collapsed on top of him, panting. Garak lay still, letting Julian catch his breath.

When Julian rolled to one side, Garak stayed flat on his back. He watched Rennan lick blue semen off Julian’s chest, then Garak’s abdomen. The Betazoid sank from view as he settled between Garak’s legs. A carefully eager mouth licked him clean. Despite himself, Garak found it soothing.

When he was done, Rennan lay next to Garak. Julian lay on the other side. Garak stared up into a starry, moonless Vulcan sky. He supposed he looked contemplative. In truth, he was tired. Empty. Claustrophobic. He wanted to return to his quarters, drink a little kanar, and go to sleep alone. In truth, he wanted to wake up beneath a Cardassian sky and forget all about the three years he’d spent in exile. None of it was enough. It never had been. It couldn’t be.

Julian kissed his shoulder, interrupting his reverie. “Thank you for tonight, Garak.”

“It was a lot of fun,” Rennan added, voice sleepy as he burrowed his head under Garak’s arm.

“Well, I haven’t been myself lately,” Garak said softly, staring at the artificial Vulcan sky above him. “A change of scenery can work wonders.”


End file.
